She Sews Seashells

26 of 31: Check in

2012-01-26T18:45:00.000-08:00

Now that most of the month has passed, I've gathered sufficient evidence to prove that I am not built for daily blogging. In the beginning, when I was actively thinking of topics throughout the day, the regimen did foster greater observation (and therefore more gratitude, more presence of being, etc.). But now I find myself slapping together a random word here and there just to say that I've completed my assignment for the day.

I will finish what I started...but that's where it will end!

Random shot of A1 with one of his recent reads. He recommends it highly!

25 of 31: When you can't laugh...

2012-01-25T22:12:00.000-08:00

Sometimes A1 will tell a tasteless joke or A2 will unleash a monster of a burp and it's not just a good idea to encourage that kind of behavior by laughing. Equally inappropriate is when the boys get hurt. Yet, I couldn't help myself:

24 of 31: City Hall tour by the Mayor

2012-01-24T22:54:00.000-08:00

I have a few hundred Scouting photos to go through so I wasn't going to post any of them until I finished them all, but if I don't start now, I may never finish. So here is a shot of the boys (and girls) in Council Chambers:

Needless to say, I've adapted to task of being Den leader. I'm even starting to relax a little!

23 of 31: The lesser

2012-01-24T00:45:00.000-08:00

A1 just finished Charlotte's Web--and was crying inconsolably. He wasn't comforted by the lessons of enduring friendship and the cycle of life and such. I don't blame him. Poor kid! I said I was sorry for not preparing him for Charlotte's death but that I didn't want to color the entire book with sadness if he'd been privy to that little spoiler from the beginning. It's the lesser of the two evils, I suppose.

22 of 31: Madder

2012-01-23T00:41:00.000-08:00

On many occasions when James asks about how my day went, I've started the conversation with, "You know what made me mad?" To this obviously rhetorical question, he always replies, "You mean *madder*?" Okay, okay...I get his point. I have a passionate manner of speaking (and typing) that makes me seem angrier than I really am.

The reason that I started this post with such a lengthy explanation is to emphasize that the fact that I'm so very mad! Not the usually level of mad that's actually not mad at all. I mean shaking with anger, perseverating over the scene and wishing I'd escalated the situation to violence by smacking the other party upside the head. Strangely, though, in thinking about it over and over (and over and over...) again, I realize that it's not what happened that made me so angry, it's the other party's reaction--or lack thereof--to it that has me reeling and teetering on the edge of sanity.

We took what was a mostly wonderful trip to the tide pools today with A1's Cub Scout Den and I got to teach about the different phyla commonly found there so I was a pretty happy camper. After the boys each located at least one example of intertidal lifeform, they were allowed to play. I was so pleased with both the materials presented at the meeting as well as how receptive the boys were to it so I was able to relax, but then suddenly, one of the other moms calls out, "Oh my God, is that ?" Yes, yes it was! He was running as fast as he could, crying and screaming, from a deranged dog. It was quite a scene, but I was able to chase the both of them and grab the dog's leash and when his owner came up she nonchalantly explained, "Oh, I thought your son was playing with him." What the what?!?! She grabbed the leash and walked away. I went screaming after her as she fast-walked across the entire beach ignoring me, refusing to turn back as I ineffectively bellowed me excuse-me's and ma'am's at her. When I finally caught up to her, I told her that the signs at the beach entrance clearly state that dogs were only allowed before 6am and after 5pm and that they were certainly never allowed to wander without their owners at the other end of their leash (it was reported to me from another mom that the dog was not with his owner when he started chasing A1 so it's not like the dog slipped away from her hands). The woman said, "I'm leaving," and turned around and didn't say anything else as I escorted her to the entrance.

Never once did she offer a single, if haphazard and meaningless, apology. She illegally brings her dog (grrr...no lifeguard on duty at this teeny beach) to terrorize children and she doesn't think to apologize and had the nerve to ignore me as I walked the entire length of the beach (yes, that's how long it took me to catch up to A1--he'd been chased THAT far!) trying to get her attention as she meandered back to her friends. I'm quite certain she would have stayed to terrorize other innocent children had I not persisted. From this interaction, I can surmise two things. Either she didn't offer an apology because she is a complete idiot who didn't see the inherent gravity of the situation or she is an evil b!tch with a history of violating others and feeling no remorse. Of perhaps, there is the third option. Maybe she is both stupid AND evil.

See? Mad. This is what I sound like when I'm mad. Madder.

The boys have yet to show much interest in reading the text here but do ask when there's lots of it. So I'm going to post another pic from today so that they're thrown off the scent:

21 of 31: Rain

2012-01-21T23:41:00.000-08:00

We were rained out of our Cub Scout tide pool trip today but the weather cleared by late afternoon so I took the boys to the park. The sand was flooded and made for some really fun digging. Isthmuses, fjords, and deltas...oh my! The boys created all sorts of neat channels but I think they were most proud of having enclosed the bottom of the slide:

20 of 31: Molly the Bunny

2012-01-20T09:21:00.000-08:00

We brought home the preschool class "pet" for a few days and I actually sewed! We made a little monogrammed bed for her.

19 of 31: Lessons

2012-01-20T01:17:00.000-08:00

Yes, it's the 20th and I'm posting the 19th blog. What I've learned during this daily blogging exercise is that I'm no good at daily blogging! I'd like to say that it's a particularly busy time for me right now, but the truth is that it's ALWAYS a busy time. I'm closer to the end of the month than I am to the beginning so I'm not going to abandon his project, but I'm sort of losing the point of this whole endeavor!

Totally unrelated pic of me and A2:

Man, I love that front facing cam on the iPhone!

18 of 31: My sailors

2012-01-18T08:39:00.000-08:00

Last spring, I snapped some shots of my nephew and his girlfriend before they headed off to his Senior Prom and A1 asked about the event. He promptly told me that he was going to take one of his buddies from Kinder to his prom. He's made a good choice...we adore both her and her family and are grateful they took us on the water on Monday. But I do wish I knew the difference between a seal and sea lion--every time I research it, the details seem to fall right out of my head.

And yes, I do feel guilty that I have this individual shot of A1 and none of A2:

17 of 31: Pop quiz

2012-01-18T08:29:00.000-08:00

Which activity did the boys prefer yesterday...listening to a trio play Debussy and Dvorak pieces?

Or climbing a tree and playing on a hill made entirely of dirt?

16 of 31: Brand new year, same goofy children

2012-01-16T20:30:00.000-08:00

...and this is what my day looks like:

The sun sets so early these days and cuts our playtime too short.

15 of 31: Kick Throw Blow

2012-01-16T00:27:00.000-08:00

Ah, man! My freakishly late hours means I'm late with yet another post! I have no words left in me at this point so I'll add photos instead. Here, we're playing a 3-round marshmallow game that involves kicking, throwing, and blowing to see who gets the projectile the farthest away. Super fun!

14 of 31: I suck

2012-01-15T02:35:00.000-08:00

Okay, it's actually 2am (because I fell asleep putting the kids to bed) and this is technically the 15th. I fail at this daily blogging thing. I'll have to come back to it this evening to do my actual 15 of 31 post and call the 14th over and done with!

13 of 31: Explaining myself

2012-01-13T10:34:00.001-08:00

Promptness: it's nearly a religion with me. But I feel like I have to explain my stance because so very few people around me hold punctuality in the same high regard (nor view tardiness with the same disdain).

A1 was what a friend lovingly termed a Crock Pot Child--that is, he was slow-to-warm but would hum right along as soon as everything reached optimal conditions. It was difficult for him to engage with others if I introduced him into a room already full of active toddlers. So I got into the habit of showing up on time, which is ostensibly showing up early, because that meant we would be the first ones to join the playdate. A1 would do just fine if one or two playmates were added to the mix at a time so that he wouldn't be overwhelmed by the noise and confusion in a single swoop.

Even before I had kids, it was absolutely critical to be on time. When your profession is paid on the hour and that hour isn't even 60 minutes, chances are your clients are counting every one of those 50 and even 45 minutes they are allotted. Starting a session late may mean being glared at for that entire time! Clinical work certainly taught me that it was important to be well-bounded and end on time too. Being too elastic at the finale means patients bring up their most important work at the end of the session instead of at the beginning or middle.

But really, the root of it all came from childhood. My father always emphasized the importance of promptness as a sign of respect so I had no choice but to take in that lesson.

So there. That's the continuing evolution of my near fanatical adherence to the almighty clock!

12 of 31: Centennial Farm

2012-01-12T23:54:00.000-08:00

A1 was upset to find out that while he was in school, his little brother and I went to the farm and hung out with little human buddies and even littler chick buddies. No logical explanation that could satisfy poor A1 who felt left out.

So here is A2--he's evidently much more satisfied with today's events.

11 of 31: Through the lens

2012-01-11T21:40:00.000-08:00

My cold, sterile view of A2:

A1 grabbed my camera and got this totally sweet, genuine view of A2:

10 of 31

2012-01-10T00:23:00.001-08:00

A old friend from my undergraduate years just emailed me. He's a Pediatric Allergy and Immunology guy and he happily informed me about his new private practice and asked if I were still seeing patients. Um...no. Today, I drank cold coffee, sprayed dog poop stains off the driveway, and hand counted 450 Legos as a part of *my* First Grade homework. Nope. Definitely not seeing patients any more.

9 of 31: My little bookworm

2012-01-09T00:19:00.000-08:00

I posted this pic of A1 after he read The Foot Book about a year and a half ago. It's amazing the progress that he's made. He was really excited to have completed Roald Dahl's James and the Giant Peach, and frankly, I was equally excited. I was certainly not reading at this level when I was 6 years old!

And before you go there, I swear, I'm not Tiger Mom-ing him into it. He actually enjoys reading and is self-motivated. Well...he enjoys it now. I kinda, sorta, just might have urged him on a bit in the beginning.

Ah, cripes! Isn't that the Tiger Mom motto? "I'm pushing you for your own good; you'll thank me later." Jeez, maybe I should aim to be a Tigger Mom instead of a Tiger Mom?

This pic is so horrible. We were on our way to return the book to the library and he suddenly asked for a quick shot. I think part of his excitement was due to the fact that it was a recommendation from his beloved Kindergarten teacher.

8 of 31: Seeing myself

2012-01-08T23:58:00.000-08:00

That little turnaround button means I'm seeing a lot more of myself in photographs. I've universally observed that while mothers absolutely adore images of their children, the prospect of including themselves in those images is either neglected or actively avoided. I'm no exception, but the boys really love looking at those photos in which I share the frame with them. Plus, I don't want them reviewing their childhood and thinking they were raised by wolves. So here I am, literally grinning and bearing it. Three times, no less!

7 of 31: Reciprocity

2012-01-07T21:09:00.000-08:00

Try it...you'll like it, I promise. At the very least, other people will like it!

There was a time when I hosted a huge number of MOMS Club playdates in our home. While I don't expect our guests to invite us back to their home, it can progress to the point where I start to notice the imbalance. Personally, it would feel very awkward to me to continually enter a hostess' home, let my child ~~destroy her home as it he were a rampaging tornado whipping through~~ play with the family toys, eat her food and drink her coffee, and subsequently leave unceremoniously. I understand that there exists an enormous range of square footage in the homes in this neighborhood and perhaps a mom may feel uncomfortable about sharing her home if she's only visited large, extravagantly decorated homes. But that's what park playdates are for.

Scouting is not analogous to free, drop-off babysitting. It takes the leaders a lot of legwork, time, and sometimes a non-negligible amount of money to create a program that fulfills the guidelines of the Boy Scouts of America but is still tailored to the needs and interests of YOUR son. We don't get paid to spend hours researching and playing phone tag with community gatekeepers so please compensate us with your enthusiasm and volunteer for a Parent Committee job.

Maybe you haven't noticed classroom limits creeping up and district budgets slipping away. I'm no mathematician, but more students and less money don't seem to add up! Sometimes, your Room Parent is going to ask you to bring in items or cash to buy particular items. Sometimes, she may ask that you work in the classroom. Don't whine, don't complain, and certainly don't assume that it's your child's teacher's job to reconcile the more students/less money discrepancy out of her own pocket. Reciprocate with your service and reach into your pocket--your Room Mom will jump for joy and your children will notice. Trust me, your child is learning the importance of her education whether she sees you buying a few extra glue bottles, cutting and collating at home, or manning one of the learning centers in the classroom.

I know it sounds like I am complaining, and maybe I am. But was so overscheduled in the span leading up to Christmas and I started noticing the resentment well up. It wasn't the tasks themselves that frustrated me, but that these tasks were being performed by a very small handful of people--the same people who have taken responsibility time and time again. Since I don't want to be resentful and I don't want to do less, I'd love it if others did more. And I'm not talking about the divorced mom with a full time job who's also carrying a halftime schedule at the local college. I'm referring to the slacker parent with ample time and money who thinks it's okay to expect these extra perks for their kid to come solely from others.

Here are a dozen completely random and unrelated Instagram photos from my iPhone:

6 of 31: The weight of email

2012-01-06T21:38:00.000-08:00

I try to keep my email totals manageable because as my inbox grows so does my anxiety. Don't get me wrong, I'm completely enamored of the convenience of electronic communications, especially since I'm an extreme night owl who doesn't exactly keep regular hours. Plus, my quiet little angels somehow magically transform into screaming banshees whenever they figure out that I'm talking on the phone. But my worrywart tendencies means that unanswered emails weigh pretty heavily on me. I understand that the worry is unnecessary. I understand that the amount of worry is not commensurate with the hurdles at hand. And still, I can't seem to do anything about eliminating the worry!

This is exactly why I find laughable the notion that being able to name a problem means that you've progressed halfway toward solving it.

5 of 31: Cognition versus achievement

2012-01-05T22:49:00.000-08:00

Parents often confuse these two related terms. Cognition refers to awareness, perception, reasoning, and judgment whereas achievement has to do with excellence in a particular (academic) area.

Often, the parents of an early reader will insist that their child should/would be GATE identified. But while a skill such as early reading proficiency definitely indicates high achievement, it only possibly indicates superior cognition. An average child can be forced to achieve excellence in a specific academic area earlier than her same-aged peers (though studies indicate that these early gains are leveled by around third grade), but her ability to process novel stimuli and incorporate it quickly and seamlessly into existing knowledge cannot be significantly affected. That is to say, we can teach a student more facts, but can't really change how her brain conceptualizes and synthesizes those facts.

Like in many other schools, A1's first grade class implements the Response To Intervention protocol such that high achievers are placed with their high achieving peers in order to enrich their education experience and low achievers are placed with their low achieving peers in order to focus on reaching normative goals. But the problem is that even similarly achieving students are highly disparate in their functioning. I have found that while the reading levels in A1's group fall on a narrow band, the high achievers have difficulty sussing out main ideas and disregarding the minor or supporting components. I've also discovered that, for the GATE children, i.e., those of superior cognition, reading passages serves as an implicit prompt for discussion of thoughts and ideas from related areas of their general fund of knowledge.

To avoid sounding too negative, I want to clarify that I'm also saying that just because your preschooler may not be reading Tolstoy or solving integral equations, she may still be gifted. Look for sharp wit and quick humor and celebrate her vivid imagination and intense curiosity because these are far more likely to be indicators of giftedness than an ability to regurgitate facts in an isolated, unreasoned fashion.

Thanks for bearing with me through my unsolicited public service announcement. Here is a random, totally unrelated photograph by A1 (he's working to earn his belt loop and pin in Photography in Scouts) in Joshua Tree National Park because, you know, a photo-free post just looks naked to me.

4 of 31: Lesson learned

2012-01-04T23:50:00.000-08:00

Rather than composing today's post, I'm watching the clock tick closer to midnight. Even though I'm getting antsier as my deadline approaches, I'm not actually coming up with ideas. Everything seems to have screeched to a halt and the thoughts have stopped flowing.

I could beat myself over this predicament or I could just learn my lesson about needing to plan ahead for the blog and making careful observations throughout the day so that I have an actual topic. I'm going with the latter option!

3 of 31: Where's my scaffolding?

2012-01-03T22:12:00.000-08:00

The boys and I baked brownies (from scratch, as they are intended--don't argue me on this point) and I needed to move them out of the house as soon as possible lest I shove them all down my throat while no one is looking. I packed up a few layers on a plate and A2 and I brought them to A1's school at pickup to treat the other parents and younger siblings while waiting for the afternoon dismissal bell.

I'd alert A2 to the arrival of one of his little buddies and nudge him to offer a brownie. Then, he'd avert his eyes, terrified of the impending social interaction. Like a well-practiced puppeteer, I'd announce, "(A2) would really love to offer you a brownie." And the other parent would reciprocate the puppetry with her own child, "Why, thank you, (A2), I'd love a brownie."

Such are the social skills of 4-year-olds, I suppose.

But rather than walking them to the ledge and pushing them off, we offer scaffolding so that they are able to climb out in safety and explore greater heights while constructing their own foundation of social skills. And, if all goes well, they will spend their lives growing and learning on the very edge of their comfort zone.

Here's the problem. I'm an adult and no one walks me through unfamiliar territory--I have to force myself to reach and stretch beyond my limits all by my lonesome! I got my first speedlight today. I know nothing about flash photography not because I'm not interested, but because, inexplicably, I've been terrified of pushing myself in that area. So here I am, sitting at my desktop with a flash unit staring and taunting me, and no parental scaffolding. I'm scared of failing, of feeling like an idiot. But I'm also excited to be uncomfortable by it all.

Here's a natural light, no strobe, image from today's one-sided leaf fight. Ah...so familiar, so comfortable.

2 of 31: On my own schedule

2012-01-02T18:57:00.000-08:00

At every turn, in every moment, is the potential for change. Yet, we wait until the new year to make our resolutions. What in the world is this about?

Maybe we're procrastinators. After all, change is painful. It makes sense to postpone it for as long as possible so that we're able to avoid the related hardships (never mind the logic that we are also deferring the rewards).

Or perhaps it's because we're creatures of inextricable habit and bound by social constructs. I've always made resolutions at New Year's! Everyone else is doing it! Sure, this line of reasoning defies our parents' admonishment, "If all your friends jumped off a bridge..." but who cares?

I wonder if it's because we're too hard on ourselves. It's as if blowing the diet on Monday generalizes to the rest of the week so that we can't get a fresh start until the following week.

Regardless of which of these reasons holds the most water, I'm going to try my darnedest to keep my own schedule and stay on track despite momentary setbacks. For example, I failed to give the boys their gingerbread experience before Christmas, but did I shelf the whole project? No! We forged ahead and made our own New Year House:

Is their childhood hampered by my lousy gingerbread schedule? I think not!

Beginnings: 1 of 31

2012-01-01T15:36:00.000-08:00

Empty text field, cursor blinking. What could be more terrifying to a writer, a photographer, or a mom than a blank slate? And that's me: terrified writer-photographer-mom. I suppose it's primarily due to the paralyzing possibility of being discovered as a fraud given that I can neither write nor capture photographs in a competent, compelling fashion.

Thank goodness for the mom thing. Biology and a whole lot of luck assured that I was able to do that.

In an unabashed feat of laziness-disguised-as-natural-parenting, we spent the last afternoon of 2011 in the woods, a giant, blank, electronic device-free slate. And the boys seemed to know what to do (build dirt structures and dance amongst the trees, of course). I'm proud that they've learned to actualize their own imagined plans rather than waste away in front of a television or mobile device watching the imagined plans of someone else.

I want the adult version of freely dancing in the woods. But I figure there are quite a few prerequisites that need to be met first. Yes, folks, did you see the ridiculously clumsy segue? It's time for the obligatory New Year's Resolutions!

First on, or should I say off, the list is my friend and my foe, Facebook. In fact, all of daytime computing is going to go away. Not only is it a horrible example of how not to exercise my imagination, Facebook is usurping time that could be spent having fun with the boys. Even what I might consider worthwhile, editing photography sessions, needs to be relegated to that span of time after the boys are asleep. Otherwise, I am making myself a liar every time I celebrate my full-time stay-at-home mom status.

I know it's cliche, but I need to lose weight. I am at an all-time high, and my tiny 5'2" frame is hefting around an overwhelming 35 pounds above my prepregnancy weight. But rather than setting weight loss as the goal, the aim is to be healthier in this new year. This will be easy to achieve since I'll be running around, playing with the kids, instead of sitting and waiting for them, thumb typing on my phone.

While I'm cleaning out my mind and my body, I might as well clear out the house as well. My history of organized living was obliterated by parenthood so I'd like to return to my roots and stop living like a hoarder. That way, I'm not living in fear of having surprise guests find out what the place looks like before I stuff the junk into the closets and under the sofa!

2012 has to be a year of creative output--I've been living in the dark for too long now. Those ideas floating around in my noggin need to be composed and executed. All that de-cluttering planned as a part of the third resolution is going to give me back my editing/sewing room so that means more writing, more camera captures (both still and motion), and certainly more sewing!

So there you go! The blank slate is now filled with 4 lofty goals that will make me a more contented person, which will, in turn, allow me to spread contentment to those around me. Everybody wins!

Day trip: Mission San Juan Capistrano

2011-12-30T02:44:00.000-08:00

When I told the boys that it was a "no climbing" adventure, they looked a little disappointed. But no worries, they made up for it with extra goofiness.

They are walking up to the Great Stone Church, whose walls crumbled and domes caved in during an 1812 earthquake that killed 40 worshipers.

I really liked the Bell Wall--originally used to call the community to meals, religious services, work, funerals, or recreation. The bells also signaled the sighting of a supply ship or a returning padre.

The Serra Chapel:

Afterwards, we headed down Ortega Hwy to Casper Wilderness Park so the monkeys could climb.

Day trip: Joshua Tree National Park

2011-12-30T01:30:00.000-08:00

Road trip checklist: iPhone x 2 - yup, iPod - yup, iPad - yup, Kindle - yup! Okay, I don't actually endorse this flavor of overkill because, in reality, our devices only got a few minutes of use at the very tail end of the drive home.

The obligatory entrance photo:

Parents of the Year! I am a bazillion miles away to get the full shot. Their dad is at bottom of the rocks, "Move closer to the edge so ~~you can plummet to the rocks below~~ I can take a pic!"

But they survived so it's okay. We've clearly learned to let them explore on their own.

This is not a stellar image in itself, but A1 had scratched his back from squeezing between 2 rocks and A2 ran over to him to comfort him and I thought it was so sweet that it deserved a photo.

Then A1 recovered and it was back to the usual business of horsing around from dangerous heights.

A1 is trying to earn his Photography belt loop and pin in Scouts and while I don't love photos of myself, I will honor him by posting this shot that he grabbed of me and A2.

How much can we cram into a single day?

2011-12-27T00:47:00.000-08:00

I'd been wanting to take the boys to the Bolsa Chica wetlands for some time and finally got a chance to do it. There are 2 exhibit rooms in the visitor center full of living and mounted exhibits and both rooms were staffed by very nice, helpful people. The parking lot was full when we got there and I didn't want to make the boys cross at Warner (so big and busy!) so we waited about 10 minutes and several spaces opened up--lots of joggers coming and going on the trails. We were able to spot a good number of water fowl, but regretted not bringing our binoculars. Still, at the whopping price of FREE, I don't suppose we should complain about our experience!

Then we headed off to Sunset Beach. It's a County-maintained beach so I assumed we'd have to use our Regional pass, but there was so much convenient street parking that we never even made it to the official lot (if there even is one!). The dunes were especially fun for digging and closer to the water, shells are aplenty. The boys favored the mussel shells so they gathered a few for their sculpture.

After a late lunch and a freshly baked batch of cookies, we headed back out to the Irvine Ranch Outdoor Education Center. It borrows Irvine Regional Park's entrance but is its own entity. We'd been there with our Pack for an archery & BB gun with our Cub Scout pack and I really enjoyed the tall opening in their outdoor chapel so I wanted to snap a pic of A1 there since I'd gotten A2 last time.

I'm really going to miss these packed days when the boys go back to school next week. I don't exactly have our adventures mapped out for the day so it's quite a luxury to be able to wander about the county as it suits us.

By the way, the total price to today's activities? $0!

Post count

2011-12-25T22:14:00.000-08:00

Unless I post twice per day until New Year's Day, this will turn out to be the year with the lowest post count since I started blogging (except for that first "year" which was only 2 months anyhow). Maybe that's why I've been composing these little posts instead of those monstrous ones with 20 images embedded.

You know what's strange? The RC helicopter, model rocket, archery set, fishing poles, etc. mean absolutely nothing compared to the boxes in which they came. Next year I'm going to put boxes in their boxes!

You know what else is strange? I wanted to show much I love whipped cream on my hot chocolate (with a healthy dose of holiday bokeh in the background) and I think I just ended up connecting the frenzied holiday season with antipsychotics.

I checked the tide tables and saw that low tide was nearly at dusk so we visited the tide pools instead of our usual Christmas day beach. And to stick to the theme of strangeness--these DSLR images don't impress me as much as the one I made with my iPhone! Here are the boys discovering cool critters like the half plant/half animal sea slug and the usual suspects: hermit crabs and anemones, doing some sort of tide pool Tai Chi, and frolicking in the waves.

New electronics!

2011-12-25T21:27:00.000-08:00

I know, I know, Christmas is not about new toys. That being said, I *really* love my new toy! James updated my iPhone to a 4S primarily because I'd been wanting a point-and-shoot for those times when I couldn't/wouldn't carry my DSLR with me. This shot of the boys at Little Corona at sunset today is my very first image on the phone:

Are you kidding me?!? The dynamic range on this little thing is fabulous! On the old phone, the darker portions would have been completely black and the lighter portions would have been totally blown out. And the color rendition is remarkable as well.

ETA: I can't stop staring at this image. No wonder compact manufacturers are afraid that the compact digital camera is going to go the way of the film cameras. I can see why so many people have abandoned that extra device when their phones work so well to capture memories in two dimensions. If I could gain aperture control on this phone, I might just leave the DSLR at home most days!

If it weren't for the last minute, I wouldn't get anything done!

2011-12-25T13:45:00.000-08:00

Every year it's the same. I push and push to get the cards photographed and ordered and then they just sit around for a month only to arrive in mailboxes with the tiniest cushion before Christmas. Why do I do that to myself? Of course, I resolve to avoid this predicament next year (and of course, I will repeat myself anyhow).

Here is the final choice and its card form:

And here is the shot that turned into the sticker which saved me from licking a bazillion envelopes:

Reasons why this year sucked less

2011-12-24T16:52:00.000-08:00

The bulk of my photography business (can I really call it a business if I don't ever advertise and have never printed any business cards?) comes in from September through November and sometimes a little of it spills into early December. This is my third such season and, while each has been plagued by fantasies of walking away from the business end of photography altogether, this was most definitely the best season yet.

I thought it was because I had finally learned to say no (and I did turn away a good number of inquiries to commission my services because I didn't want a backlog of unedited photos haunting me at night) and took on fewer sessions than last year, but the fact is that the difference in absolute number of sessions is negligible. In fact, with my various non-official duties at both kids' schools, my MOMS Club, and the Scout den/pack, I probably shot many, many more frames this year.

A lot of this year's ease can be attributed to better technique and better equipment, which means that there's less editing. I've got a better handle on the editing software too so I don't mess around too much with superfluous sliders and options. I'm also a lot more cutthroat and able to delete a so-so frame without as much guilt as before. That also means I've stopped promising 30 images, but delivering close to 100. That was a act of shame that reflected my compensating for what I perceived as poor technique with added numbers. I have to assume that if people didn't enjoy my style, they wouldn't have hired me in the first place.

I stopped scheduling multiple portions of a single session. That shooting style wreaked havoc on my schedule, making me busy all month long instead of quick shoots here and there that allowed me to dedicate more time to the editing component. I also stopped scheduling (as many) mini sessions. I'm doing away with individual minis altogether next year. It takes nearly the same amount of effort as a full session to drive to a locale, capture 20-30 minutes' worth of frames, and get back home. But for 4 times the cost, all I have to do is stay another 10-20 minutes for a "full" session. So unless I'm doing an afternoon of minis back-to-back in 1 locale, there's no way I can manage all that on-site shooting like I did last year. I still owe 1 prepaid and 1 as yet unpaid mini because I previously promised clients, plus there's a fabulous family that stops by the house and they are quick, easy, and super fun, but other than that, I'm done with mini sessions! The worst part of shorter portions of a whole session or mini sessions is that they produce sterile, posed images that are not in keeping with my style. There's just not enough time to relax and get those candids that truly capture the personality of my subjects. That is also the exact reason why I refer to last year's pre-Christmas rush as soul-killing. I take no issue with Target, Babies R Us, Sears, and the like. If you want a portrait of the family all sitting nicely and staring and smiling, then by all means, use these excellent and affordable studios. But please don't call me!

The biggest difference this year was that I arranged for the boys (sometimes 1, sometimes both) to be with me on just about every shoot. Seriously, this is not my job and I have a chosen profession to which I hope to return one day. Shocking revelation: Photography is not it! So to have to send the boys away means that I'm spending less time with them during this magical and most favorite part of the year. It also means that my time is worth more. Last year, I grew increasingly resentful of how little I charged (which is a purposeful statement reflecting my belief that every family deserves to keep treasured photographic memories, not just the filthy rich ones) because I wasn't being paid enough to be apart from my babies. In fact, it's so important that the kids can come along that it will likely be part of the new business model so that it's incorporated onto the site Information page. I don't want to feel bad about asking whether the boys can mill about in the background--I want potential clients to know that that is simply part of the deal. I can happily leave them at home, but I'd have to charge twice as much to even come close to feeling like my time is fairly paid for. And that's okay, I'm less than half the price of my "competitors" so it's not exactly a big leap. At the end of every year, I rejigger my pricing schedule and I will probably not increase the session cost (and if I do, it won't be much at all) but I will double the travel fee. Travel means I'm in the car--not with the kids (whom I love) and not photographing (which I also love)--so I don't love travel.

I'm grateful for these lessons learned and hope that next year is even better than this one!

Random shot of the boys playing with a friend yesterday. Yes, they are armed and marginally dangerous. And yes, I took my lens hood off to create the ghosting and flare of a cheaper lens (why?!?).

Santa Anas

2011-12-24T16:44:00.000-08:00

The winds were really whippin' last week. How bad was it?

Really bad!

It was so bad that one of our trees fell over--notice that melaleucas don't grow horizontally. It knocked over the fixture atop the lamppost but that was pretty much the only damage. We're rather fortunate, both this time and the last time trees were felled by the winds in 2003. iPhone pic:

We decided it was time to give A2 a haircut after that. Here's the last pic of him before he was off to the barber's.

Aliso Beach

2011-12-23T12:25:00.000-08:00

My mother had these outfits for the boys and requested that I photograph them. And by "them" I'm not really sure whether she was more interested in the outfits or the boys. I obliged and here are 2 of the results:

Riley Wilderness Park

2011-12-23T12:07:00.000-08:00

The sun had already sunk below the mountains and it was drizzling out, but the boys still wanted to fly their planes so we headed out to Riley. The park was a beautiful sight but it quickly got very wet and very cold so we skedaddled on out of there after only a few flights. We'll definitely be back in fairer weather.

Environmental Nature Center & Little Corona

2011-12-23T11:44:00.000-08:00

The ENC has a good handful of hands-on exhibits that the boys enjoyed--but they're generally very good about reading those informational plaques and discussing the materials at hand. The grounds are only 3.5 acres so it's rather surprising that they can cram 13 different plant communities into that space, but they manage to do it, and do it well too. We liked the plants but the critters were the best part of the short, highly manageable hike through the various trails.

We were excited to get there because this was a trip I'd been promising them for a long time so it took a while for A2 to stop dancing.

Then my GPS led me the wrong way and we got all turned around so I decided keep going on the current path and somehow ended up at Little Corona. I'd been checking the tide tables and knew it was a minus low tide so there were lots and lots to view on the exposed rocks. It's such a lovely locale, but the nearly noon hour meant horrible light so we only snapped a few shots.

Pelicans!

Over scheduled

2011-12-21T02:01:00.000-08:00

Last week and the one before had me running around like a chicken with its head cut off. I promise myself every year that that scenario will not repeat itself and every year, it actually gets worse than the year before. I need to practice saying, "No," more. And I have to realize that it doesn't have to be followed by some excellent reason as to why I need to safeguard my time with my children instead of ferrying them around from one errand to the next while they sit, perplexed, next to their decapitated fowl of a mom.

At least we stopped long enough for our annual Santa Train trip. Also included in a shot of A1 getting a citizenship award from his Principal. Yes, it's random.

Lap sitter

2011-12-21T01:46:00.000-08:00

Last week, I was so proud to be able to award most of the boys in my Den their Tiger rank badge. But before and after our own ceremony, we had to wait for the various presentations from the other Dens. A1 did most of that waiting on my lap, as did a few of his First Grade buddies. I know that Scouting families are a self-selected group of close-knit folks who sought out the values-based experience that defines Scouting. But the fact that our boys, whose heads rose way above our own, happily snuggled on their mamas' laps during a gathering of their school peers is still remarkable.

I recalled when, during my first year as an undergrad, I was invited to visit with the family of a friend who'd gone home for the weekend. At 19, my friend ran to her mother and sat on her lap. Our little group of college buddies was a little baffled. I, myself, was as surprised as I was jealous because I'd not known that sort of parental physical affection. It'd been difficult growing up swimming in a sea of Western signs of affection only to come home to be very Eastern detachment. That's not to say that I was raised without love--but it does speak to the fact that I, having spent most of my childhood in the States, had a difficult time reconciling what I saw outside of my home with what my parents guaranteed was their own expression of love and affection.

I don't plan on withholding physical affection from the boys any time soon. And maybe, one of these days, they will come home for a visit during college, and plant themselves squarely on my lap.

Unrelated museum photos--the boys enjoyed their chromatography experiment and seeing all the Star Wars themed gingerbread "houses":

A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds

2011-12-06T21:41:00.000-08:00

First off, why all the accolades for Thoreau but not for Emerson, whose writing I find far more palatable?

And second, I do not favor one-note tweeting, FB updates, & blog posts. As much I love to whine and complain, I'd hate to think that this blog is occupied solely by it. I mean, once in a while, I share some triumphant moment of exuberance, right? Like actual genuine ones, not those of the happy-happy-joy-joy variety!

Reverberations of incessant complaining are understandably annoying, but, to be frank, so is a constant barrage of uplifting, inspirational messages. I think it's because these positive messages are usually in the form of quotes (um...yeah, I see the irony) and communicate nothing personal about the author other than the fact that (s)he is a decent typist who can transcribe a clever saying. So I suppose what I should be saying is that I prefer personal revelations, whether positive or negative, over a generic collection of other people's thoughts.

Unrelated photo of A1 perking up our tree--we usually have 3 but, this year, we simplified and picked up a real one as our only centerpiece.

And here is a shot that was buried in the archives. It's me in the side view mirror with my much loved D80. I know that I go on and on about my old D80 and the new D7000, but I'm willing to bet I'd love any camera to which I have access. Heck, I even love my iPhone camera. <--See? A genuine positive thought to break the monotony of my usual griping.

Happy anniversary

2011-12-04T23:25:00.000-08:00

...to me and my beloved D7000 (2 days ago, actually). It was supposed to be a stopgap measure while I waited for a new full frame body to be released by Nikon, but tsunamis and floods did in a few of their critical factories and everything got stalled. Yet somehow, Canon still managed to announced their upcoming EOS-1D X in the interim. Don't get me started on that because it sounds PHENOMENAL! I'm no fanboi--I'd gladly switch to Canon or have both systems but since I'm not independently wealthy, I don't have the option to rebuild my lens arsenal. (Okay, that's a total lie, I'm a dyed-in-the-wool Nikon fanatic since my film days.) Fortunately, my need for a new full frame body has been significantly tempered by the lovely and capable instrument that is my D7000.

Just how much do I love this little camera? In the 12 months since I've had this camera, I've captured 25,143 frames. That's CRAZY! I don't get to show the bulk of my images because I do class photos for both boys, MOMS Club images, and Scouting shots and those are shown in private galleries for parents to view their own children. Also, I don't post entire sessions on my professional blog because I do many posed shots that are not at all my style but I know that that's what many clients want (Although...why?!? It's not what I show in my portfolio and not what I show in my blog, why would you expect me to create images in a style I never display?). And as far as this blog is concerned, I can't possibly show every frame so I have to edit myself and cut out anything that isn't absolutely necessary to the story I'm telling. Sometimes I select a lesser image (e.g., in composition, focus, etc.) because it makes a substantive contribution to the retelling of whatever event I'm visually summarizing so that all the images stand together cohesively.

Wow, I really rambled on there. Hmm...why did I even voice that? My rambling has been the nature of this entire blog!

Here are unrelated photos of the boys at a park they've lovingly named Green Lake Park:

"Orange" you glad it's Fall?

2011-12-04T00:49:00.000-08:00

Yes...that title is totally dorky. I'm sorry.

The days are long but the years are short

2011-12-03T15:25:00.000-08:00

...and then I happen to look up from the hustle and bustle only to realize that both boys had outgrown their seats. Their shoulders rose above the seatbelts so A1 is now in a backless booster and A2 moved from his carseat to a booster. How did so much time elapse?

Of course, on occasion, our days are pretty short too! Time flies when we're making art and listening to handbells.

Don't brag about your little genius

2011-11-28T22:55:00.000-08:00

...well, at least, don't do it with strangers.

I realize that every mother would view her progeny as gorgeous as they are brilliant, but I ask that you refrain from voicing that skewed opinion unless you are among an audience of close friends and family. There are really only a limited number of possible outcomes and they all seem bad to me.

Let's say your child really IS a genius. Well, who like a braggart? No one, that's who. And what if you're yammering on to the mother of a child with developmental issues that severely hamper age-typical cognitive milestones? Now you sound incredible insensitive. On the other hand, what if you're extolling your mini Einstein's academic prowess to the mother of a child who is also gifted? That mother has the good sense to keep her mouth shut while you, conversely, sound like a blowhard.

Let's say your child ISN'T a genius. Oh, I don't know...let's suppose that you are professing the strides your child has made to a psychologist who is cleverly disguised as a full time stay-at-home mom. And we'll suppose that this former psychologist has had years of experience administering huge batteries of assessment tools and diagnosing children from both ends of the intellectual spectrum. Yes, folks, you will end up looking like a boastful idiot.

Chances are, any given child is average because that's simply how the normal curve falls on the graph by definition. And average is a good thing, trust me. I know many, many people who would wish average upon their children. But if you go on and on about your average child at our first meeting, it will only leave me questioning your ability to gauge your own child's abilities. It also will leave me wondering if you will place undue pressure unto your child. And that just scares me.

Okay, so those of my 3 readers who have been here before know that I myself go on and on about my own kids: my excuse is that you know me! I share far more here than places like Facebook because no one is forced to read this text. You only come here if you choose to, not because some computer algorithm decided to drop it onto your news feed. Also, while I only suspect A2 has a good handle on how he processes novel stimuli, I know A1's cognitive scores, and I have empirical evidence to back my bragging!

Unrelated photos of A2 at his last day of PALS, his mommy-and-me class from 2 weeks ago:

I have become an old person

2011-11-27T22:10:00.000-08:00

I'm well aware that I continue to age every single day but I think I've finally reached "old person" status. I can tell because the recent automatic changes, which some might consider improvements/upgrades, to both the Facebook and Gmail interface have me spiraling. I am also well aware of the fact that these are both free services (okay, technically, social networking and email aren't the products, *I* am the product, but you get what I mean) but seeing my FB friends' activity on my feed is horrible and so is knowing that my own activity is showing up on others' feed. And my darn Gmail labels kept collapsing--I had to go searching around for the simple yet hidden way to keep them expanded without mouseover. Why do things keep changing? Oh...progress, you say? Hmph!

It was over 80 degrees today so we headed to the beach. Photos unrelated to the preceding text follow:

Dusk comes too early these days.

Red Rock Canyon State Park

2011-11-27T08:24:00.000-08:00

We had a little Thanksgiving road trip.

When we first got married, James couldn't stand the idea of a road trip (even though it's always been my idea of a great time!). Now, he's the one who suggests and plans these trips. Yay!

They're up both up there...see 'em?

And then the sun started to set and it was our signal to start on our way home.

These 2 shots of the day's waning light are through the car window.

My position

2011-11-26T20:52:00.000-08:00

Rant Warning: I'm going to blow my lid now.

Sometimes there is a (make-believe) divide between psychiatrists and psychologists such that the former favors medical intervention while the latter would opt for various talk therapies. I would argue that in any area of study when the question is either one choice or another, the answer generally sits squarely between both choices.

As far as medicating children, I don't think that it should be the first line of defense. Before risking the deleterious effects of pharmacological treatment, it's of great value to determine whether other, noninvasive treatments might be just as effective.

I also don't think that it should be the sole line of defense. There are simply no magic pills to cure all that ills. Greater strides can and will be made if the child is treated as a whole person by addressing his cognition, affect, and behaviors and well examining his family and social functioning.

But, yes, there may come a time when medication is necessary and helpful. If the child poses a danger to himself and others to the extent that these dangerous behaviors are unable to be curbed, then this child is absolutely a strong candidate for medical intervention if he is to be mainstreamed with typical peers. I imagine that I will make enemies here (you know...if I actually had readers), but there is no amount of organic eating, holistic remedies, or yoga that will make it okay if the child is still engaging in high risk behavior. I realize that I'm endorsing what is ostensibly chemically restraining a child, but when others' verbal prompts and self-direction are insufficient, the only other path is to isolate the child. And *that* is cruel. Medication, used with adjunctive therapies, is the humane choice. Because, really, allowing a child devoid of the ability to self-regulate and inhibit his own ability to cause harm near my child...that is an unacceptable choice. I do not accept!

Completely unrelated photo of the boys at a recent Chuck E. Cheese birthday party:

The ones that almost made it

2011-11-23T23:30:00.000-08:00

I think I'm finally done photographing and creating our holiday cards. It's so stressful, I'm sure the gray hairs on my head multiplied.

Okay, everything is wrong with that statement.

First, there is no empirical evidence to support the belief that worry and gray hairs are associated with one another. Second, I love photos. And more importantly, I love photos of my children. How does the process of creating cards every year cause so much worry?

In any case, here are the ones that almost made it but didn't because their color or composition didn't quite work with the final design. (Yes, I repeatedly dressed them up on the same clothes and took them out for photos a few days in a row!)

Actually, while I'm at it, here are a few fun ones that weren't under consideration, but I dig 'em anyhow.

Photographer's children

2011-11-22T23:23:00.000-08:00

While I still don't call myself a photographer, I do consider the A's photographer's children. Just today, when we were out trying to grab a few pics for our holiday card, I overheard A1 admonishing his little brother, "Stop goofing around--we're losing the light!" At a later point, A2 whined and criticized, "Move farther left: you're still in my frame!"

I've been finding something wrong with every shot! How is it that I love my shots of them the rest of the year, but can't seem get anything decent when the holidays roll around? Here are a few of the rejects:

See how A2's arm is just dangling?

This one is too hazy.

Look carefully at A2's head. That branch in the background seem to be radiating from it.

And none of them really show their personalities like this one with A2 dancing and A1 looking pretty exasperated by said dancing. But am I really going to use this kind of photo for our card?

Foiled holiday photo plans

2011-11-22T10:05:00.000-08:00

Why. Won't. They. Stop. DANCING?!?! I may have to go with goofy cards again. I think they sense my stress and the urgency of the situation and grew even goofier than usual!

Silly dancer

2011-11-20T09:01:00.000-08:00

While A1 was engaged in his Archery and BB Gun date with his Cub Scouts, I got to spend some time with my goofy A2.

I used to take credit for much of A1's calm demeanor, as if my parenting had everything (something...anything?) to do with his temperament. It wasn't until A2 was born that I realized I have diddly squat to do with these qualities of theirs with which they were born. Both are parented so similarly yet they leave such different footprints in the world.

The two-parent family

2011-11-17T20:18:00.000-08:00

The fact is that moms and dads are often different with their kids in some very stereotypical ways. But hopefully it all balances out in the end.

We'd made a makeshift catapult at one of our recent Scout pack meetings and the boys decided they needed to make a larger, sturdier one.

And then they came in from the garage and did some crafting with me using absolutely no power tools.

Equally artistic

2011-11-14T23:33:00.000-08:00

A1 embellished (by using my sewing machine!) a can for his book report. He was particularly proud of his penguin and wanted a photo--never mind the wet hair that is suspiciously Eddie Munster-like that he has every morning before school. A2 felt bad and asked if I would snap a photo of his lettuce leaf. He said that he shaped it with his teeth and his belly. Hmm...

The best laid plans

2011-11-13T20:43:00.000-08:00

Children are often so concerned with what they interpret to be the normative experience. A1 has been disappointed by his stubborn baby teeth since his Kindergarten year when so many of his friends started losing theirs. But he's finally rid himself of one of those pesky little teeth and I grabbed my camera because I wanted to capture his gorgeous new smile.

It didn't happen. Awry, indeed.

Someone else's art

2011-11-11T01:15:00.000-08:00

Given a sheet of blank paper and some colored pencils, the boys would go to town. But given a coloring sheet with a drawing to be filled in, they scribble for 3 seconds and call it a day. And since I don't give a hoot about their ability to fill in someone else's art, their coloring, as is so often (too often?) expected in school, seems lacking. So they are asked to repeat the task as if they lacked attention to detail or the ability to follow the commands of their teacher. Both are wholly untrue.

Here is A2 with a mask that he "colored". There's a red splotch in the center means it's a black widow. See all the untouched areas around the splotch? That's frowned upon in school. And I simply don't get it!

The fantasies

2011-11-07T23:03:00.000-08:00

Anyone who meets me knows that I cherish my time with the boys. While that's entirely true, it's also true that I fantasize about next fall when A1 will be in 2nd grade and A2 will be in half day Kindergarten. In my dreams, I'm going to the gym regularly and SEWING! Actually sewing! My heart leaps at even the thought of sewing again. The only recent contact I've had with needle and thread has been to attach patches and badges to the family's Cub Scout shirts. And even that had me excited; that's the sad state of affairs.

A totally unrelated pic of Mr. Fur Christopher (the boys came up with his awesome name!) in his box home, where he hangs when I'm cleaning out his cage:

My expressions

2011-11-06T23:01:00.000-08:00

During clinical internship in graduate school, many of us rushed our post-session charting duties so that we could briefly join each other in the therapists' lounge to decompress and recharge before the next appointment.

Once, during one of these lounge moments, a fellow intern was discussing an interaction he'd had with a stranger on the street who'd made some ridiculous remark. This fellow intern proudly reported, "And then I shot one of YOUR looks at him!" Another intern, who happened to also be a classmate giggled, "Yeah, I love it when someone asks an inane question in class and instead of getting mad or frustrated, you flash that confused, are-you-really-THAT-stupid look at them!" And then everybody laughed.

Oh-em-gee. I was mortified! I don't know what struck me harder, that I made faces at people (I had NO idea!) or that these faces were so easily discernible by others (again, I had NO idea!).

Well, in the interim, I've come to embrace my exaggerated expressions and I've certainly come to love them when they appear on the boys' faces. I love what's happening with A2's face by the end of this series:

The poorly designed house

2011-11-05T20:27:00.000-07:00

Our house is old and overly compartmentalized so that we can't even see the family room from the kitchen. And the dining room is so isolated that we hardly spend any time there. Last weekend, A1 received a Lego set (remember when they were just a bunch of interconnecting blocks and not entire sets to be put together in a pre-specified manner?) and wanted a large surface:

Mama: Why don't you use the dining table?
A1: Huh? Which one is the dining table?
Mama: The *dining* table in the *dining* room.
A1: Which room is the dining room?
Mama: It's the one we have Thanksgiving in.
A1: Oh...THAT one!

We need to knock down a few walls, but James is so against it!

Unrelated photos of the boys, though you can only see A1, at school in their PJs hearing a story read by his Kindergarten teacher. I added another one of A2 making faces at preschool just to balance things out.

Little brothers' playdate

2011-11-04T00:23:00.000-07:00

When I quit my job to be at home full time with A1, I knew about the positive feelings I would experience but didn't expect the overwhelming feelings of being lost and alone without constant adult contact all day long. It was obvious that regular playdates would be good for both of us. I quickly discovered that it was pretty easy to schedule playdates as long as the playmate who was about A1's age was either an only child or a firstborn. I couldn't figure it out but didn't put too much thought into the matter.

Then I had A2. And I recall a few moms trying to schedule playdates with our family so that their child and A2 could play together. As it turned out, I could hardly ever make those dates! There was so much activity with A2's schedule and so much time that I wanted to dedicate to just the A's being together and bonding and enjoying each other's company. But most importantly, I was no longer overwhelmed by a sense of loneliness because I'd already worked very hard to establish a social circle for myself and A1. And suburbia being the way it is, many of A1's friends also had siblings about 2 years younger who were perfect built-in playmates for A2.

I don't mean to shut out those firstborns or only children who are now about A2's age, it just happens that way! Here are 3 little brothers. That little fella on the left and A2 didn't even exist when our families first starting playing together.

Halloween Howl

2011-11-01T23:10:00.000-07:00

It's the last Halloween post of the season! A2 and I put up harvest themed window clings in the van so we've definitely moved onto Thanksgiving.

Following are the boys at the community gym which was converted into a neat carnival-like setting with games, crafts, face painting, (unpictured bouncers and train rides), and a live action show.

In my defense

2011-11-01T22:36:00.000-07:00

This is a personal blog so I'm not going to do the legwork of offering a proper citation but all over the place (on- and off-line), I read Steven Levitt's stat about 1 child drowning for every 11, 000 residential pools, and 1 child killed by a gun for every whopping 1 million-plus guns. That means a child is about 100 times more likely to die in a pool-related accident. This availability error has to do with the dramatics of all it all--you know, it's the same reason we're more afraid of plane accidents than we are of car accidents because the imagery of the former is so much more accessible than that of the latter even though cars are so much more lethal.

A few years ago, when we went to a new pediatric office, and I was asked if we had guns in the house and whether we would consider removing them for the children's safety. We were not asked whether we would consider cementing over our swimming pool for the children's safety. I was marginally offended by the assumption that we leave loaded guns strewn about but I was terrified by our frequenting the office of a healthcare provider who could not discern true dangers from that which stirred his own personal emotions.

By the way, see what I did there with the title of this post? ;) Also, no animals were harmed in the making of these photos--we only shoot paper targets.

Local business

2011-11-01T21:58:00.000-07:00

The wonderful folks at Old Town Flooring sponsored trick-or-treating in Old Town Tustin. I've found it to be a great way to speak to and learn about local merchants, some of whom are coincidentally already in my social circle, because Tustin is, in many ways, still a small town. It's also fun to run into lots of families we know from MOMS Club and the boys' schools.

But this year left a pretty bad taste in my mouth.

The event was scheduled from 3 to 5 and at a little after 4pm, a friend and I parked in the lot behind Quinn's Old Town Grill. We were promptly told that the lot owner is very picky about non-patrons who park in the lot and to relocate our vehicles. Now, I don't know much about how to run a business, but shunning potential patrons during what should be a meet-and-greet with neighborhood families doesn't seem like a great idea to drum up business. As it turns out, this is also the same property owner that has cars towed from his EMPTY lot just a block away.

Despite my grumpiness, the boys still had a great time with their friends.

Uniform policy

2011-10-30T22:55:00.000-07:00

I may have to waive A2 out when he reaches Kindergarten next year because hair that is long enough to fall into the eyes violates the uniform policy. He loves his hair. Even his pumpkin has curly hair.

Neither trick nor treat

2011-10-30T22:41:00.000-07:00

I have been doing whatever I can to squeeze in activities during which the boys can wear their costumes and stuff their faces with those non-nutritives known as candy. That way, when Halloween hits, I can avoid having to go trick-or-treating. It used to be such a neat time to visit with neighbors but more and more houses have been dark each year and it's become such a chore to travel so far to reach each new doorbell. Treats in the Streets in Old Town Orange was a great solution! It was during daylight hours and since we arrived early, I was out of there within 30 minutes with highly satisfied kidlets by my side. Yay, City of Orange!

A spooktacular party for the boys and ghouls!

2011-10-30T22:27:00.000-07:00

Yes, I snapped far more pics of the food than of the boys at the party.

At one point, I grew tired of A2's antics and made the "one more time and we'll go home" threat. And then he tried it one more time so I had to apologize repeatedly to A1, who was having a blast, and drag a crying and screaming A2 out of the party. I try not to threaten my children, but you can be sure that if I make explicit certain contingencies, I'm going to follow through! (I was so sad to leave.)

Pumpkin Harvest

2011-10-30T22:14:00.000-07:00

...at the Great Park.

And now for the unrelated text!

This coming Friday, I'm teaching skateboarding to my Tiger Cub den. Yup, I'll be at a skatepark to help the boys determine whether they're regular- or goofy-footed and teaching about stance, foot positions, knee bending, pushing off, turning, stopping on flat ground, and how to fall safely. And I'm not a great skater, or even a good one for that matter. Heck, I'm not a skateboarder at all. So while my professional obsolescence looms, my school-aged boy skills grow. Hmm...

Learning from others

2011-10-28T20:26:00.000-07:00

We've been hanging out with one of A1's friends from Kindergarten a little more. We've been showing him things like ice skating and he's been showing up things like...flying through the air.

Hmm...seem fair to me!

And because I have no place to post this photo, I'm adding a pic of the boys super excited about our BOO! gift. I don't know what's going with A1's stance nor do I recall what the heck is covering A2's shirt!

Spring Break: Zion National Park

2011-10-27T20:14:00.000-07:00

Honestly, I didn't love. It is certainly nicer than the scenery in our own backyard, but it's no Arches. And on top of that, Zion is a very crowded tourist trap. So there are very few photos:

Poor A2 looks pooped.

I think the part the kids liked best about Zion was the ride home when they were introduced to Funyuns for the first (and last) time!

Spring Break: Arches National Park

2011-10-24T23:24:00.000-07:00

(Yes, I do realize these are unposted images from half a year ago!)

I've gone road tripping through about 45 states and seen a whole lot of this beautiful country, but this was the first I'd seen of Arches. And it is my absolute favorite destination thus far. Between my being in awe and unable to do anything other than stare and my lack of photog skilz, these images do not convey the grandeur that is this national park. A2 was coerced into a few shots with his brother, but he wasn't really feeling the camera love so he's rather absent in these shots.

A1 didn't have his camera with him but wanted to remember the gorgeous sights so he drew them instead.

Branding

2011-10-23T01:25:00.000-07:00

For branding purposes, I process all the images on my photography blog in a similar manner. But sometimes, it neither suits me nor the image. So that's why I often pollute this personal blog with odd processing styles including random vintage-izing.

Crazy hair day

2011-10-18T20:00:00.000-07:00

Here is how I sent A1 to school this morning as part of Red Ribbon Week. I haven't a clue how crazy hair is related to pledging to be drug-free, but I'm on board anyway.

18 inches

2011-10-17T23:41:00.000-07:00

I had a foot and a half lopped off as the third such donation I've made. After the second, when A2 was only a few months old, he stared and refused to nurse that entire afternoon. And A1 kept stroking my hair with a confused look on his face. They're far less baffled this time around.

My poor burnt, straggly ends:

Boys taking flight

2011-10-15T00:50:00.000-07:00

I don't want to dilute the awesomeness of these photos with my meaningless words:

Pattern recognition

2011-10-13T19:46:00.000-07:00

There were 4 parents in A1's classroom in the AM and another 3 in the afternoon so I forwent my usual visit. At pickup, one of those parents came over to inform me that a very confused A1 kept asking where I was and I wasn't there today. Yup. That's a clear sign that I'm there WAY too much.

Unrelated photos of last Saturday with the boys' newspaper wings, cardboard mustaches, and chalk art:

On second thought...

2011-10-13T00:44:00.000-07:00

I think I may have to revise my previous post. Am I tired from the day's activities or am I just hot? I stepped into the car at 5pm today (technically *yesterday* since it's after midnight) and saw this reading:

No title

2011-10-13T00:21:00.001-07:00

No content...followed by random photo.

This is how tired I am.

When I grow up I want to be a doctor

2011-10-10T20:03:00.000-07:00

Last year, at the end of Kindergarten, I asked each of the A1's classmates to create a scrapbook page to be compiled into a binder for their teacher. In addition to photos and drawings, I had the kids write sentences about their favorite part of the school year, the best thing they learned from their teacher, and what they wanted to be when they grew up. A few of the children wrote that they wanted to be doctors when they grew up. Never mind that there are a myriad of fascinating doctorate-level professions, I'm quite sure these children mean physicians. But I know their parents and much of their history. They had neither parents who were physicians nor profound experiences with illness that would foster significant interfacing with the medical establishment. So what 6-year-old in his right mind would want to be a physician when there's so much else out there? A child who's been influenced by his parents, that's who!

Don't get me wrong, I'm all about encouraging high academic achievement. But shouldn't it be about furthering what thrills the individual child, not what the parents want for that child? I tell ya, I had much more respect for those kids who said they wanted to be garbage collectors (who doesn't love a big trash truck?) and teachers (yay for olde time heroes!).

For the record, A1 wanted to be an entomologist and a pilot. He digs bugs and planes. And he doesn't see how his life couldn't include both professions. I'm sure he'll change his mind a few dozen more times between now and college. And I'll applaud each choice equally.

Unrelated photos:

School picture day

2011-10-08T21:24:00.000-07:00

...and A2 is undaunted by the rain.

After school, I let the boys romp in the mud and jump in some puddles. Because that's the kind of mom I am.

Revised recommendation

2011-10-06T19:35:00.000-07:00

A while ago, I suggested that examining others' photographs was one of the (minor) ways to improve one's own photography. While I stand by this recommendation, I am no longer a fan of flickr but do harbor much unrequited love for 500px. That just seems to be the best of the best right there. I am such a sad puddle of FAIL compared to the talent on that site.

Unrelated shots of the boys with their (haunted) gingerbread house.

Too many pixels

2011-10-05T00:02:00.000-07:00

Following will be camera talk about which absolutely no one cares about but me!

I've been waiting and waiting and waiting for the long overdue update to the Nikon D700 and while the official announcement has yet to be made, rumor has it that it will clock in at 36 megapixels. Holy smokes! I want a full frame body so badly, but 36 MP?!? As it is, I'm overwhelmed by my current body's 16 megapixels. Photos take forever to load on my fairly new iMac and that makes editing 500-frame sessions a enormous pain. I resent Canon for their ridiculous MP war--I've seen huge poster-sized prints from my beloved D80's 10.2MP sensor and know that I neither want nor need more than what my D7000 can deliver. Besides, the sacrifice of downgrading to 4 fps is laughable.

On top of all of this is the move from the earthquake/tsunami-damaged Sendai plant in Japan to one in Malaysia. Yes, my projections of lower quality outside of their Japanese plant are racist and classist.

Unrelated photos of the boys at the regional park:

Separation anxiety

2011-10-04T20:57:00.000-07:00

After a long summer of lots of fun and fabulous togetherness, A2 seems to be having difficulty adjusting to his new school schedule of three 2 1/2-hour days per week. On top of that, he's suddenly started crying when it comes time to spend time at his grandparents' even though he'd always been happy to hang out with them since he was a baby.

Here is a candid (I was hiding so he wouldn't see me) shot him on his first day of preschool. Notice how closely he's sitting to his teacher?

Here is shot of the 2nd day of school. You can see how close he is relative to the other kids who are at a much more normal distance--he's even holding onto her arm. Poor kid, he's feeling so lost and alone.

So that I remember

2011-10-03T00:39:00.000-07:00

I escaped Viet Nam with my parents and a first cousin who now has 3 older sons, two of whom are in college. My nephews are both expected to make the drive back home every weekend since their universities are in neighboring counties. I remember when I was expected to do the same--and I also remember what an impediment it was against forming strong social bonds with classmates and how it interfered with my study schedule. I promised myself that I would never make such demands nor would I require the nightly check-in phone calls that my mother required. But now, I'm afraid that I might forget that line of logic so I'm composing this post to keep myself accountable. I will, despite how much I might want to keep my boys close to me, allow them to grow up without being tethered to a mother too fragile to let go, too neurotic to trust.

Here is a completely unrelated photo of the hail that came down on us a few weeks ago (unless you consider *frosty* yet clingy mothers related!). A1 only got a small handful because he was still in his underwear and I didn't want him prancing around in the hail nearly naked! And yes, it was almost noon and I hadn't yet gotten the boys dressed.

It has begun!

2011-10-02T23:33:00.000-07:00

I do love autumn so much!

Orange International Street Fair

2011-10-02T23:30:00.000-07:00

...which means I'm about a month behind in posting photos! Blogging used to be so much fun for me, but I've been so swamped lately that it's become somewhat of a chore. Unfortunately, one of the things I'm going to have to give up is the time I spend in A1's classroom. I've been in his room nearly daily since the semester started. Sometimes it's for 15 minutes and sometimes it's for hours and hours, but I'm always there. I've thoroughly enjoyed my time there and I especially love how happy he gets when he turns back to see me (and occasionally his little brother as well) sitting in the back of the room. But all that time away from home means I'm not getting to what needs to be done (i.e., cleaned!) at home and not scheduling as many playdates for A2 as I can/should be.

So here are totally unrelated photos of the street fair from last month:

I discovered my love of Dogzilla.

And the boys had funnel cake.

We cooled off a bit under the mister.

And listened to international music.

Even though we were stuffed, walking by Bruxie means the eating wasn't done just yet!

Snake!!!

2011-09-30T01:29:00.000-07:00

We were hangin' at our favorite regional park--the one we visit a few times a month--and ran into this! Considering the kind of adventures in which I allow the boys to engage, I'm surprised we haven't been more seriously injured. I suppose I should just be happy that this tiny snake is nothing compared to the giant rattler we ran into this past summer in the desert!

I'm overwhelmed

2011-09-29T01:27:00.000-07:00

There's too much going on. I'm spreading myself out too thin and feeling the effects of my poor decision-making (and inability to say no). I need to slow it down. By a lot.

Following are two quick, unrelated photos of A2 doing the, "Mama, Mama take a picture," thing. I don't know why he asks for a photograph and then proceeds to make a face!

Box painting

2011-09-26T00:50:00.000-07:00

It's late and I have nothing to say (i.e., nothing to complain about!) so I'm just going to let these photos speak for themselves.

This is my life

2011-09-24T16:54:00.000-07:00

Suddenly, I look up and 3 days have passed since I last blogged. It's an ordinary interval in and of itself, but given the fact that I promised myself that I would post daily during the month of September, I can't believe so much time elapsed without my knowledge!

But this is my life. Below is a photograph I snapped via iPhone, stamped at 1:30 in the afternoon. It was well into the afternoon before I realized that I'd been traipsing around town wearing 2 different shoes! I'd like to think that I've sacrificed my focus on fashion to concentrate on the more important matters in life, but I suspect it's merely because I've been running on fumes and barely conscious these past few days (read: years).

I just left our first pack meeting last night with what will eventually be A1's Cub Scout den. Of course, I will be Tiger Den leader. Of course, I'm thrilled beyond belief for the coming adventure. And of course, I've bitten off more than I can chew. This. Is. My. Life.

Choice and responsibility

2011-09-21T20:00:00.000-07:00

I don't push the boys into specific activities. They have to be completely self-motivated and show a great deal of interest before I sign them up for anything. That's because once they are signed up, they are committed to a certain period of time and a certain level of effort. Take ice skating, for example. We will have been skating for a full calendar year this coming November. I've told the boys that at that point, they've earned the choice to quit or continue. (They'll likely continue.)

Poor A1 has been begging to take piano lessons since before he started Kindergarten last year. But I kept postponing them because I know that once we start lessons, I'm going to Tiger Mom him into a regimen of daily practice. Well, as luck would have it, I've entered upon a lovely bartering agreement with a friend: holiday family photos for a series of 7 piano lessons. Yay! Now A1 only has to commit to about 2 months to earn the right to quit or continue and I only have to nag him about practicing for a short period of time. Or maybe I'm just projecting my own experiences. As anyone who's read the manual for raising little Asian girls in America can tell you, piano lessons are an absolute requirement! I didn't love it so I may be superimposing my own distaste and it might just be that A1 will absolutely love piano practice. Poor kid repeatedly plays the same 3 songs I taught him eons ago--it might work out for us both that the nagging will not be so necessary!

Totally unrelated pics of the boys at the pumpkin patch. Yes, these pics look familiar because we go to this patch every single year!

Here they are drunk on cotton candy:

We did a few cutout shots until they got fed up with the process--I let them climb a tree and all was well again.

For the past year or two, A1 has missed out on the tractor-pulled hayride so I made sure to grab a shot of him experiencing it this year.

We've been trying hard to save activities until after 3 so that he can attend--like this day at Pretend City (the pose was his idea, not mine!).

It's partly for A1 and it's partly A2 who misses his big brother so much that he has to say goodbye a millions times before he's able to part in peace.

It takes the promise of a trip to the zoo with both parents to pull him away sometimes!

Goathill Junction Railroad

2011-09-19T23:17:00.000-07:00

The non-profit OC Model Engineers, Inc. offers free 12 minute rides on a 7 1/2" gauge railroad that covers two loops of the park on the back end of the Costa Mesa Golf Course. The key word in that sentence: FREE. So, of course, we were there!

We have these pics (jeez, that is the most tired James and I have looked in a photo in a long time!) because I handed over my camera to one of the lovely volunteers who snapped a bunch of shots of/for us. I love handing over my camera and, as often as I can, offer to take photos of people using their cameras. I nearly never get folks to agree and not only get refusals, they are accompanied by sneers. These people look at me as if I have two heads. I mean, I usually don't offer unless I'm carrying my own camera so they can see that I'm not looking to steal their camera or have no idea who to handle an SLR. And I'm usually snapping pics of my own kids so they can see I'm not some pedophile who hunts at the playground for my newest victim.

In fact, just a few days we visited the pumpkin patch (photos to follow very soon). I asked a mom who was standing in front of a cutout with 3 openings if she wanted to be in the pic with her husband and child. She laughed, "It would be a MIRACLE if we were all in the same photo." Uh...no, it would not take a miracle. It would take you handing over your camera and 2 seconds of your time.

So what am I missing out on here? Do I live in a small, closely knit rural community in my head but the city dwellers think I'm a crazy stranger who's violating their space? I'm trying to do a nice thing here--something that I myself enjoy on those rare occasions when someone offers to take a pic of us as a family.

Wow...I'd better present these photos soon or else the complaining won't stop!

Spring Break: Petrified Forest National Park

2011-09-18T23:14:00.000-07:00

How we love the scenery here with the vibrant colors of the Painted Desert as the backdrop!

Here they are enjoying the Blue Mesa Trail

...and viewing the petroglyphs.

And somehow the boys manage to find a tiny pile of rocks more interesting!

All the vastness and natural wonder and they'd rather play Star Wars!

At least they got to engaged in their favorite activity: climbing!

Newport Beach

2011-09-17T22:57:00.000-07:00

Somehow we ended up at the beach today even though it wasn't in our plans. I wasn't going to blog these images because I'd already posted today and didn't want to run out of material but then I remembered that I snap pics of the boys and have a new whiny complaint about something or other (it's starting to seem like this blog is where I go to furrow my brow and pout!) just about every single day. So I'll never run out of things to post!

Startled into change

2011-09-17T21:55:00.000-07:00

I've been a parent for six and a half years now and I've never heard the dreaded proclamation, "I'm bored!" Well...not until yesterday.

James and I were in the van when A2 demanded my phone because he was bored. Bored! Are you kidding me?!? I've ruined him! A2 and I have been helping in A1's classroom a lot and I've been sitting with A1 to do homework so I've allowed A2 to occupy himself with the iPad and iPhone. And now, he has become reliant upon external stimuli, unable to generate his own spontaneous thoughts and he's lost his ability to self-entertain. His joy can only be derived through electronics. I mean, A1 can use electronics and not have it affect him in this matter, but A2 seems so...addicted.

It's terrifying.

So we're done--at least, for a while anyways. I told him that he will not put his hands on any devices for the rest of the month. Hopefully that will break the spell they have over him! And I'll have to be a good example, which means no WWF while he's in sight. **shudder**

So here are photos of the boys at the Columbia Memorial Space Center. Notice (1) There are are mobile electronics in sight and they are still having a blast and (2) I've clearly discovered a new, beloved Lightroom preset that does vintage 70s-like processing. My deepest apologies for the latter.

Psychotherapy's siren song

2011-09-16T22:05:00.000-07:00

My email inbox still regularly fills with newsletters summarizing recently published peer-reviewed research (Some have truly obvious slap-my-forehead-and-roll-my-eyes titles like, "Involved Dads Give Kids an Edge.") and Board of Psychology disciplinary actions (it's like a professional reality show with a list of offenders and their specific offenses).

Why is this still happening? Why have not unsubscribed at this point? Am I hoping to return to clinical work--am I merely torturing myself because I know I can't/won't because I would deeply regret leaving the boys? I remember how I felt coming home from work to A1 as an infant. It devastated me that he had experienced so much in the day without my presence.

So, instead, my days are filled with parenting, which apparently includes this puppet show. Quite possible the worst puppet show I've ever seen in my life. The boys laughed their heads off and enjoyed it immensely.

Who me? Think about going back to work? No--never! <--It's hard to read sarcasm in this typeface so I'll just mention it outright.

Orange County Museum of Art

2011-09-15T23:46:00.000-07:00

We've been 3 times during these Target days (2nd Sunday of the month) and every time there have been 5 projects for the day as well as the permanent interactive exhibits. I feel selfish and almost don't want to spread the word because I don't like crowds and we love this museum so much! Some places, like the La Habra Children's Museum are just as awesome but so incredibly packed during the free days that it's better to pay.

One thing that I noticed at the OCMA is that I've never seen so many parents complete projects for their little ones. What is this need for "perfection" in art? It makes no sense to me! On our last visit I overheard one mother reprimand her child, "Gimme your person! Your head looks terrible--I'll fix it." Uh...okay.

Following are RELATED photos of the boys and their projects, which I had no hand in making!

And here is the circus they made on their first visit--all the other parents made these perfect lions, tigers, and bears (oh my!) but I encouraged the kids so do what they wanted and they ended up making these hilarious spiders doing tricks.

** I know these photos are simply to commemorate the visit to the museum, but I look at them and all I think is how far off the white balance is in all of them. Grrr...I should have fixed before posting so that I'm not obsessing now!

Crayon melting

2011-09-14T18:39:00.000-07:00

We threw rocks into the oven for a few minutes to warm them up. Then the boys melted crayon wax onto them--we learned light-colored rocks work much better than their darker counterparts.

A1 liked to move quickly so the colors would be distinct.

But A2 liked to move slowly for more complete coverage.

I suppose the only objectionable part was that we totally stole the rocks from the regional park. I'm sure there's a sign somewhere advising us noto remove anything from the park, but the rocks are just so ample!

And really...what would a park post be without a pic of A1 in a tree?

Science museum visit--again!

2011-09-13T00:05:00.000-07:00

Proving that the boys don't tire of repeated trips to the same museum, here they are looking awfully pleased during yet another visit. (It also proves that I don't tire of repeatedly photographing them looking pleased.)

Riddle me this

2011-09-12T18:52:00.000-07:00

Gus is learning about nouns and one of his assignments today was to create a few riddles with nouns as answers.

No words. I have no words!

I suppose I should be proud it's a well composed sentence, eh?

Back to our regularly scheduled programming

2011-09-12T00:36:00.000-07:00

...of endless photos and meaningless filler text. I present The Orange County Fair:

See? Not a corn dog but a batter dipped and deep fried Snickers bar.

This is just to prove that we did other things at the fair other than eat food on sticks.

Remembering 9/11

2011-09-11T00:55:00.000-07:00

I'm compelled to compose something deep. After all, I was born into war, one that raged on for years after my birth and whose effects continue to devastate so many decades after the fact. Plus, my husband is from New York and though he had already graduated school and moved away, this was an attack on his home--on every American's home. And that morning, as I was glued to the television in disbelief, I knew that I would have to go into work and perform psychotherapy with clients who had themselves all experienced the atrocities of war and the profound loss that accompanies such experience. I knew their trauma would be great and that I would have to contain my own cognition and affect to help them sort through theirs.

But I have nothing to say. I'm tired. And that has rendered me rather silent on the matter.

I did manage to get out to the public library to check out The Man Who Walked Between the Towers, a Caldecott Medal recipient, for A1 to read to his brother. Then we talked, to the extent that a 6- and 4-year-old can understand such matters.

And now I'm even more tired than I was before.

No photos today.