14 October 2010

The practice of solitude

A2 is learning how to be by himself (and yes, I realize that if I'm there to snap his pic, he's not exactly alone!) while A1 is in school.

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But it's a well-known fact that he prefers his big brother's presence. 
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5 comments:

Ivan Chan Studio said...

I get what you mean by alone.

Is dat a bonny? I'm allergic to da bonnies.

As the older brother, I never quite got why my younger brother wanted to hang out with me.

I get it more now, because I think my younger brother is a pretty cool guy, and I like to hang out with him.

Lam said...

They actually both enjoy each other's company. I've heard from many parents that their boys were the same at a young age, but then started to get on the other's nerves when they both neared adolescence. As long as it's short-lived and mutual, I suppose I'm good with it, esp since I assume the discord will subside with adulthood. But when the younger brother has disdain for the older one--well...I've not seen recovery from that in adulthood.

Ivan Chan Studio said...

Yeah, I always remember this from Godfather 2, I think. That the younger was more capable…I know I've felt that with my brother and wondered if my hippie lifestyle makes him think less of me (I never get to pay for anything!).

Lam said...

For now, they fit each other very well. A2 sees A1 as this great guy with all these fantastic ideas and novel ways of playing. A1 sees A2 as a fabulously agreeable playmate (unlike same-aged peers who have their own opinions of how to conduct a play session). Plus they adhere to the same rules because they are from the same household--that makes for smoother play (e.g., the waiting time for toy exchange is usually the time it takes to count to 10 slowly, no need to negotiate colors since one usually picks blue and the other green, etc.).

I wonder if the parents of these kids who come upon discord as they age merely have a higher tolerance for it. I have no tolerance for fraternal animosity. You *will* get along with your brother! I possess dictatorial tendencies, you know.

The 2 cousins with younger brothers who harbor disdain--well, to be honest, I totally understand it. I don't think this is a matter of sibling relationship. It's just a fact that some people are difficult to like (and respect). But having an older bro you can't respect is hard--like having parents who don't nurture, like having "friends" who aren't loyal, etc. Having the opportunity to look up to an older sibling offers so much security.

As for you and L, this is a completely different matter altogether. It's not that your hippie lifestyle makes you *less*, it just makes you *different*. Your heart, your intellect, your passion and vision, your capacity for EMPATHY **pretends to clear throat** are all worthy of respect and admiration. And you know what's also worthy of respect? They fact that *you* respect him, think he's hysterically funny, and actually like him beyond merely loving him. Having an older bro who gives him these priceless gifts probably saved him a great deal of emotional agony from not having a father who offered him these necessities. So to me, you are a very grounding part of his life, regardless of your "flighty" lifestyle.

Ivan Chan Studio said...

True.

And I know he doesn't see me in a negative light.

Although, the not letting me pay for dinner part is getting old!

Sigh. I suppose once I get that self-help book published or something...! :)